I have a lot of conversations with people about what to say to someone going through a hard time (and sometimes what not to say). It is partially my story, partially the fact I’m a pretty open book about struggle, and partially I just have one of those personalities that makes people want to tell me things (it’s been that way my whole life). Regardless of the reason, I have had the privilege of hearing a lot of really hard, really brutal, and really beautiful experiences. I think one thing I’ve learned recently is that we have to stop overcomplicating how we show up for people during those times. I think if I could tell you to do one thing right now for someone in your life who is struggling it would be this…Text them and say, “I’m thinking of you.” It is the most powerful text to send.
That’s it.
Pain is isolating. No matter what it is, when we are going through a difficult time it is too easy to feel like we are alone, like nobody understands, like we don’t have support. And sometimes depending on the particular struggle you add shame to the mix and we are downright convinced we are on our own.
One of the quickest ways to break through that noise and connect with someone to let them know they aren’t alone is by saying, “I’m thinking of you.”
I’m serious.
“I’m thinking of you” is vulnerable. You’re putting yourself out there. In doing so you’re showing your friend that you’re willing to be in that space with them.
“I’m thinking of you” is an acknowledgment of their pain. Without getting into it, or making them rehash something they may not have the energy or capacity to do, you are validating them and their reality.
“I’m thinking of you” is intentional. You’re telling them that not only are you giving headspace and heart space to them but that you’re taking it one step further and letting them know that’s what you’re doing. What a gift! We are all so busy and pulled in so many ways, so to give voice to the fact that someone is on your mind or heart is not a small thing. And to someone who is feeling isolated, it is everything.
“I’m thinking of you” is also a low lift and free of expectations. You’re not imposing anything on the person who is struggling. You aren’t asking them to do anything. It doesn’t demand a response. It doesn’t dictate what comes next. You are offering them a choice whether or not to engage. They can leave it, just say “thank you,” or dive into a full vent. No matter what they choose to do with it though they know that they were on your mind and that it mattered enough to say something.
Those simple words, “I’m thinking of you,” can change everything.
A friend miscarries…I’m thinking of you.
A friend’s child is sick…I’m thinking of you.
A friend is struggling with anxiety or depression…I’m thinking of you.
A friend is dealing with a hard time in their marriage…I’m thinking of you.
A friend is stressed out with work and being pulled in too many directions…I’m thinking of you.
A friend suffers a loss of a loved one…I’m thinking of you.
A friend has to do a really hard thing…I’m thinking of you.
I am convinced these words are revolutionary. “I’m thinking of you” is the most powerful text to send.
I am all for providing a dinner, offering babysitting, donating money, or whatever else may be helpful to someone going through a hard time. But so much of life and so many of our struggles don’t allow for that in real or practical ways. Especially when we are so connected to so many people spread out across the country or globe. But sending a text doesn’t cost us anything. It takes very little time and energy. And it isn’t something someone can refuse.
I would challenge you to stop scrolling for a minute and click over to your messages. I’d be willing to bet you have at least one friend, if not five, who could use this text right now. And in case you’re the one who needs to hear it right now…
I’m thinking of you.
With so much love and gratitude,
Am